We have begun a short series on Sunday mornings entitled Biblical Parenting through the Years and the first Sunday we are considering Ephesians 6:4 which states: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” For that particular sermon we are focusing in on the instruction to bring up the children using discipline and instruction, but what got skipped was the “do not provoke to anger” part. For that, I would like to write about in this voice article. What are some ways that we can provoke our children to anger?
First, be unrealistic. Don’t be the parent who is always unsatisfied with how your child is doing. They finished their homework by 8:00 but you think they should have been done at 7:00. They got all B’s but you think it should be straight A’s. They made the team but you think they should be a starter. At some point parents must communicate their satisfaction with something the child is doing. Otherwise, you are simply being unrealistic; children are not perfect. If we demand perfection we will never be satisfied and the child begins to become discouraged and wonders ‘why try?’
Second, be cruel and abusive. This can be in either words or in behavior. The behavior aspect would be in any type of physical discipline that leaves marks or bruises on a child. That kind of discipline is excessive and abusive and must be stopped. But sometimes, even more hurtful than a bruise, can be harsh words that sting and linger in a child’s psyche. Yes, we can be shocked at some of the things children say to their parents, but we can be equally as shocked to hear some of the things parents say to their children. You can be sure a cruel parent is provoking their child to anger.
Third, be biased. For those parents out there with more than one child, you must be fair and equal to your children. Playing favorites must be strictly prohibited. Showing any type of favoritism towards one child will surely drive the others towards anger. We had a rule in our house when the children were young that if one daughter lost privileges, they all lost them. That way one wasn’t watching TV while the other one was not allowed.
Fourth, be inconsistent. You let the child get away with something one day, then the next day he/she does the same thing, and suddenly you are furious. Why were you not furious yesterday? This is so confusing for a child who is learning to live and behave under your rules. If you said “no broccoli, no dessert” then you must follow through. The rule and the enforcement should be the same all the time.
Fifth, be ungracious. Children are going to make mistakes and fail; they should be shown grace. Now, this is not contradicting number 4; I’m not saying to be inconsistent. But I am asking parents to show your children grace every now and then. If you the parent, are a representative of God to them, what better way to teach them about the Lord’s grace? How often does He show grace to us? How often does He not treat us the way we should be treated? A home with no grace towards children reveals parents who do not understand grace themselves.
First, be unbalanced. Parents must shield and shelter their children from the immoral influences of the world, but that can go too far to being overprotective. Just in the same way, we can be overindulgent and let our children do anything they want! That communicates a lack of love to the child. Parents who are indifferent to their children’s life cause the children to begin to think their parents don’t really care. Be balanced and protect your children from harmful influences, but also allow them to interact and make decisions so that they learn how decisions lead to different consequences.
We all have that person in our life who pushes our buttons. Who provokes us to losing our cool and becoming angry. Well, as a parent, we have to be cautious to not be that person in our child’s life. Don’t provoke your children to anger.